Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
