guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
