So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
