Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
