She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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