Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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