all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
