yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
