are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
