I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
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