Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
