I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
