Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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