The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
