Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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