I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it hurts more in the daytime
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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