I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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