I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
is this the sara with the beer cane?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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