It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
