Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
