They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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