Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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