i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
