this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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