It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
