happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
