He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
