Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
