You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
