would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
