Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
