Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
