Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
