there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
