As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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