Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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