Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
