Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
