I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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