Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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