This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
