Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
