i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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