Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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