My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
