i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
