There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
