We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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