when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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