Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
