I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
