I want you more than these girls want KFC
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
